Tips to Reduce Dating Stress and Enjoy Your Mid-Life Love Life

Tip! Have flowers delivered to partner at work.

A new category of dating has emerged across the county - mid-life dating. Whether people have postponed marriage because of career or other reasons, or find themselves single again due to divorce, this is a new phenomenon in our society. As a result, today's mid-life daters are forging new territory without much information or support to help along the path.

Dating at any age can be very stressful. From my experience, I have found that regardless of anyone's actual age, when dating you always feel 16. The excitement is double-edged, both thrilling and anxiety producing, because there are so many unknowns. You'll find yourself wondering things like:

- Does he like me?

- Will he call me?

- When will I see her again?

Tip! While your partner showers, heat up his or her towel in the dryer.

Here are five methods I share with my clients to help them stay balanced while dating. Each one is an invaluable tool for taking care of yourself and minimizing the emotional stress of courtship:


1) Don't cancel plans to make yourself available for your new date.
There's no real rush. It's so important to respect your own schedule and commitments to insure your new friend will do the same. If you cancel appointments, what message are you sending about how you value your own activities? Simply admit you're not available and then suggest another time. You'll benefit from the results of honoring your own schedule, since you're more desirable when in demand socially!


2) Distract yourself in between calls and dates.
You had a life before you met the guy. Keep it alive and stay involved. One of the best cures for the anxiety of waiting for him to call is to be busy. Create enjoyable distractions for yourself to minimize the time you spend worrying. With time on your hands, you might allow your mind to wander and think up stories about why he hasn't called, etc. To avoid torturing yourself or making impulsive mistakes, maintain an active life.



3) Preserve your friendships.
It can be very tempting to collapse your life and focus only on your new relationship. But, the truth is no one likes a fair-weather friend who is only available when single and then disappears the minute a romantic interest enters the picture. Your friends are an important support system and stick by you through thick and thin. Honor these relationships because you will need them again and will miss them in the long run if you don't.


4) Carve out time just for you.
There is a lot to process at the beginning of a new relationship. Give yourself some space and time to simply relax and unwind. Whether you take a bath, exercise, journal or meditate, the options are endless, but so important for your overall well-being.

Tip! Any good relationship requires effort to keep it alive. Your unique way of being romantic is your personal anchor to securing the heart of another.

5) Remind yourself that the world is an abundant place.
If it turns out Mr./Ms. Now isn't Mr./Ms. Right, you'll meet someone else. Adopting this belief system allows you to let go of a partner who isn't right for you, even if s/he's a great person. The stress of dating the wrong person can be very intense. When things don't go well, remember, there are plenty more fish in the sea. The dating ocean, today more than ever, is chockfull of good catches, so you can always cast your line again if things don't work out.

Tip! Leave a note professing your love for your partner to find during the day. Put the note where it will be found, easily.

When you're actively looking for love, you're making yourself emotionally vulnerable. That's why the need for self-care becomes heightened. By striving for balance, you'll be calmer and better equipped to navigate the sometimes rocky terrain on the road to finding love.

Visit http://www.NeverTooLate.biz for savvy dating strategies to help you find the love you want and deserve. You can subscribe to the f*r*e*e bi-weekly newsletter Kiss & Tell and check out the book MANifesting Mr. Right: It's Never Too Late to Find the Love You Want by Dating Coach and expert Ronnie Ann Ryan. Visit http://www.ManifestingMrRight.com

Attract the Love of Your Life

Tip! A step that can help you regain the spark in your love life is something I call Soul Gazing. It's a simple technique of gazing into your partner's eyes.

Have you heard about the technique Olympic athletes use to help them
win gold medals?

In addition to conventional practice, they do some critical mental work
as well. They close their eyes and "see" themselves making the winning
basket, being first across the finish line, etc. They "feel" the weight
of the medal as it's draped over their necks. They "hear" the roar of
the crowd.

What does this have to do with you attracting a good, fun, and faithful
man or woman to spend the rest of your life with?

Everything.

You can use this technique, too, to attract a relationship with a man or woman
who possesses the qualities you desire.

Here's how to do it:

1) Decide what qualities you desire most in a husband or wife

2) Write them down

3) Construct a scene on paper between you and this person using as much
sensory detail (touch, taste, smell, sight, hearing) as you can. (Make sure you
write the scene in past tense! This is critical!).

Read it out loud three times a day, preferably before your feet touch
the floor in the morning, at lunch, and just before you drop off to
sleep at night.

Visualize it whenever you have a free moment (while you're on hold,
waiting on line at the bank, stuck in traffic, etc.).

As you continue to do this exercise, you will notice that new details
will seemingly pop into your scene from nowhere. That's a good sign.

Keep it up.

Before long, you will attract available people with the qualities you
desire. What's more, you will be attracted to them, too. Getting dates will become effortless and maintaining a relationship with "the right one" will be blessedly free of angst and drama.

How can I be so sure of this? Well, I used this technique, and it worked for me. After years of
disastrous relationships, I attracted and married the man of my dreams.
Twelve years later, we're still in love and having fun together.

Go for it!

Terry Hernon MacDonald is the author of the ebook "How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams." Visit her website at http://www.marrysmart.com

Dating Advice: Change Your Mind, Change Your Love Life

Tip! Romance in a relationship is the chord that makes the heart beat strongest. Without it, love can weaken and even disappear.

My 11-year-old daughter and I recently went to see The Devil Wears Prada. She's a big fan of Anne Hathaway, the young actress who starred in The Princess Diaries, and she's increasingly passionate about fashion.

The movie dazzled us with gorgeous clothes, fabulous makeup, and glamorous locations in New York and Paris. But, while my little girl liked the plot, I found it troubling. The movie's message? If you're a woman, you can't have personal and professional success at the same time.

In other words, if you do too well at your job, your boyfriend will dump you.

In the story, Meryl Streep's accomplished character, Miranda, loses her third husband to divorce. Miranda's assistant, Andy, played by Hathaway, finds that her friends and boyfriend abandon her as soon as she starts getting respect at work.

Tip! While your partner showers, heat up his or her towel in the dryer.

The "you can't have it all" message to women is as old as time.

What does this have to do with you? Well, if you desire a happy relationship and a career but always end up with just one or the other, you can bet this nefarious message has firmly lodged itself in your subconscious.

Tip! Have flowers delivered to partner at work.

I recently heard a savvy business owner (and happily married woman) say, "Ninety-seven percent of the decisions you think you're making are actually made for you. Your subconscious makes the decisions."

Please do not discount the gravity of this statement. Your subconscious absorbs messages from the media, your parents, and other influences, and then it acts upon them. It creates your destiny.

With a little effort, you can root those nasty messages out of your subconscious by examining your beliefs about relationships, as well as your ability to attract and keep one that's supportive, happy, and drama-free.

Tip! Leave a note professing your love for your partner to find during the day. Put the note where it will be found, easily.

For example, do you believe that you can be successful on all fronts in your life, or in just one or two? If you make too much money, will you turn off potential suitors? Are relationships hard? Do they involve a lot of "work"? Will you have to compete in a relationship? Will you have to suppress your dreams in order to help a man achieve his?

Once you identify the limiting beliefs you've developed, you can replace them with new ones. For instance, if you believe it's impossible to have a joyful marriage and successful career at the same time, bring to mind a friend or a famous person who actually has them (the beautiful and talented Miss Meryl Streep, for instance).

Tip! When we show the one we desire most that they are special to us, we are being romantic. We can do this in so many different and unique ways.

Then write an affirmation to support your new belief:

"I am happily married loyal, loving, reliable, fun man, and I'm wildly successful in my career as a ____________."

Repeat the affirmation in the shower. Write it 25 times a day. Say it out loud before you fall asleep at night. Keep this up for 30 days, at the very least. Eventually, you will feel a shift within yourself.

Tip! When your partner arrives home for the day, take their hand and pull them towards you aggressively. Offer a huge hug, kiss and say, "I missed you today!"

And then watch out. Once things on the inside change, the outside will, too: Your career and love life will seem to magically come together!

As for my daughter, I can't intercept every negative message she receives, but I can help her to be aware of them. We had a discussion about the message in The Devil Wears Prada. I told her not to believe it. I want this girl to "have it all."

And if she believes she can, she will. Author Napoleon Hill said it best: "Whatever your mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve."

Terry MacDonald is the happily married author of "How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams." Sign up for free dating tips at http://www.marrysmart.com. Check out her blog at http://happygirlmusing.blogspot.com.

The Secret

Communication Breakdown

It happens to the best of us. Communication is such a fickle thing, and the lines of communication can become blurred every so often, especially when feelings are involved. Even those who think that they are immune to the confusion of conflict can find themselves drawn into a communication breakdown when they least expect it, and chaos ensues.

This happened to me on the weekend, and until to be quite honest, it took me by surprise. Even those of us who are better equipped than many others are not immune. My partner told me something that really hurt my feelings, and I lashed back in defense. It was a silly argument, over something as simple as a misplaced bottle of aftershave. But to me, it represented something much deeper, that had been simmering away for a couple of weeks. I get frustrated at having to search for something when it is not where I expect it to be. Worse still when my partner has shifted it and I don’t know the first place to begin searching.

Aftershave, needles and thread, car keys, a Tupperware container to store my baking soda in, covers for our outdoor chairs, all were examples of instances where I had to turn the house upside-down. A simple answer from my partner when these things were shifted would have saved me a lot of time and frustration. And the answer I got? "You need to open your eyes and organize yourself better"

I was gutted. When I come home from work I exercise the dog and cook dinner so that it is on the table by the time my partner gets home. The house is always spotless and warm, as I’m very conscious of coming home to a tidy environment. I see this as a fundamental part of my role in coming home first, and it takes a lot of my time. To imply that I have the time to "organize yourself better" really hurt.

I don’t expect praise, but I did hope that my efforts were recognized. I got told that "I don’t expect you to cook my dinner every night" was interpreted by me as ingratitude, and hurt me even more.

So where to from here? My partner felt guilty at coming home every night to the perfect household, whereas I felt guilty if it wasn’t perfect. It was never about me trying to make him feel guilty, but it seems it did. And this is where the communication fell down. He misinterpreted my efforts, and I misinterpreted his response.

Communication, communication, communication. I need for my partner to keep me informed of where things move to. I need to be informed. I need to voice my frustration before it gets to boiling point. We both need to talk about our feelings more, and how each of our contributions to our home and our relationship make us feel, and how we interpret each others contributions. It is not a competition, but for many couples it feels like it.

When people feel guilt or stress, it leads them to act funny ways. Often stress and guilt are barriers to communication. The key to overcoming them is to recognize what it is, and have the courage to talk about it. You might be able to do it as a couple, or you might want the help of a friend who can listen to the way you are communicating with each other and offer insights and advice.

We got it sorted out, and kissed and hugged. It wouldn’t hurt so much if I didn’t feel such love at the same time. But it served as a good reminder to me. Sometimes you get so wrapped up in your own emotions that you forget to think of the other person. You also need to entertain the possibility that you are misinterpreting each other. Talking about it is the way to expose the miscommunication and let the healing begin.

A good lesson to learn, even for the experts…

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How A Couple's Retreat Can Enhance Your Love Life

Tip! Couples that are in love, and I mean actually still in love after years of being together, feel younger. Ageing seems to be slowed down by a loving situation.

Everyone needs to get away from time to time and that includes married couples. The boss, the kids, the bills, and the stresses of everyday life can become overwhelming to just about any couple. In today's modern world, we become ill, moody, and it is easy for us forget what life and marriage is all about. It is during these times that we need to consider marriage retreats so that we can put things into proper perspective and to put our marriage back on the right track. In such a relaxing atmosphere, it would be hard not to connect with our spouses.

There's just something about being in a peaceful paradise that helps you slow down and begin to feel your spouses all over again. The concept of what a couples retreat is, is different for everyone. Some people will go so that they regain the romance in a relationship. Some couples just need to be alone. Some couples need to see different and unique things and places just to be able to add some passion to their lives.

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Couples need to let their retreats begin by renting a cottage on the beach where you can be all by yourself. There's no one there that you will need to please but yourself and your spouse. There are no expectations of how you should dress, act, behave, or speak. It's just you and nature on your couples retreats. The sun will warm your body, and the people will warm your soul.

How can this not be a great way to regenerate your mind body and spirit as a couple?

When you go on a couples retreat, you will not only get to spend some quality time with your partner, you will also be able to take part in group and private counseling sessions as well. You will be able to work on your marriage's love life while in a peaceful atmosphere that offers you none of the pressures that can make this sort of connection impossible at home. The unbiased therapy that the couple can receive will help the couple to hash out some of their problems.

How to Stop Your Divorce

Tip! It will allow you to love life again, to see the beauty in every experience, to be non-judgmental and open to new relationships.

You have invested a lot of time and energy in your marriage. For some reason, you just can't seem to make things work. You and your mate aren't talking to each other like you used to; you have started to sleep separately; or perhaps you or your mate have been unfaithful. There are a million reasons why a married couple might consider divorce, and sometimes it just doesn't feel like the right thing to do. Sometimes, one or both spouses still have enough feelings for the other to want to prevent a divorce.

There is a reason why judges insist that both people be in agreement on a divorce before they will actually grant one. The process is a very simple one; in that if one spouse doesn't agree to the divorce, there is always a chance that the marriage could be saved. If you are in a situation where you want to stop your divorce, there are many avenues that you can take that just might help you to save your marriage.

For starters, you can give marital counseling a try. This is not to say that it will definitely work for you and your spouse; however, it may just be the best route for you. When you go to marital counseling you are given the opportunity to voice your grievances about your spouse with an impartial party. Marriage counseling has helped millions of couples to find the reason they married in the first place. It helps many couples to reconnect. It is also a great way to get the tools that you will need in order to maintain that connection throughout your marriage. Of course, this method works best when both spouses are willing to participate fully.

Tip! Role playing is a great way for you to be able to make your love life a great deal better. It is also a good way to explore fantasies.

You can also try to save your marriage by taking part in a marital retreat. Many churches and local clubs offer retreats for married to couples who are having problems. These retreats are geared toward helping those couples who are interested in taking part with other couples in group therapy sessions. This is also a great way for the couple to get away from all of the hassles of their daily home life while working on their marriage. When you don't have pressures like children and work to interrupt you, it makes it much easier for couples to focus on what's really important.

You should never wait until your marriage is in a shambles before you finally take notice as to how important it is to you. When you do that all you are guaranteed is that you will eventually be faced with this problem. You have to be willing to talk and listen in a marriage. You also have to be willing to let some things slide every now and then. In the end, the only thing that can really keep a marriage together is if both people want it that way. Sometimes, it is just better to cut your losses and move on.