Listening Skills In Relationships

Tip! Success demands building relationships that are strong, vibrant, healthy, and fulfilling with others.

Recently, when out to dinner with another couple, my husband is surprised at what
someone says about one of our neighbors. He even comments this to the person
about his amazement. Less than one week later, my husband comments to me he
wonders about this very situation. After asking him, "Well don't you remember Sean
told you that?" "No. I must have been in a conversation with someone else then." I
just torque my jaws and change the subject because I just don't want to have this
conversation about listening again.

Whether it's with you or friends, it's annoying and rude when your husband
communicates he's not listening. "I don't really care," is the message. Listening is
different as hearing. We're born with the ears to hear. But listening takes energy,
time and practice. There are actions to demonstrate your ability to listen, show you
care and reduce stress in the process.

Tip! What's required here is direct, personal, continuous contact with your personal relationships. Letters are fine.

First, give your full attention to your spouse. When my husband was speaking with
Sean, he was also carrying on a conversation with someone else. There humanly is
no way that you can give your full attention when you are dividing it between two
people!

Ask clarifying questions before you do your talking. If you want to understand your
wife's concerns, respond to a problem or add to the conversation, ask a question
('So what you are saying is ... .') Then keep quiet while you listen to their reply. Then
you are sure to be on track. Listen first to understand, then to respond.

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And anticipate keywords. With experience you learn how some comments are
familiar. How you have discussed this previously? When you hear keywords about
these everyday situations or previous discussions, use them to help you add to the
conversation when the time comes. This is sometimes called leveraging your
knowledge.

Listen for feelings first and specifics second. Check your understanding of your
wife's emotions from her point of view ("It must be frustrating to not get what you
think you were getting.") If that perception check is correct ("Yes I am just fit to be
tied,") continue with specific facts of the conversation. This type of verbal feedback,
particularly on the telephone, can clarify a concern without you saying something
there is no need to say.

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Identify what bad listening habits you have and begin to minimize and improve
them. The top five worst listening habits most of us have are: reacting emotionally,
listening only for the facts, getting distracted, faking attention and being critical of
the speaker's delivery. Found yours? Know it and do something to improve it. Let's
say you find yourself getting distracted by listening in a second conversation when
you are out with your wife and a group of friends. You can wear a rubber band
around your wrist for 30 days. And every time that undesirable habit pops into your
conversation with you wife, or anyone for that matter, snap that rubber band back.
Day after day you'll be snapping less because you will be replacing your bad habit
with something that is effective.

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A famous philosopher once said, "We only hear half of what is said to us,
understand only half of that, and remember only half of that." You can reduce
misunderstandings and show your spouse you do care when you move beyond
hearing to listening.

Copyright© Patricia Weber, http://www.prostrategies.com.

Pat Weber is a coach, certified telelcass leader, and corporate trainer. With her incisive, effective communication skills, her services can help you to accelerate professional and personal results you want, by helping you increase your choices and build your self-confidence. With personal coaching, a teleclass, an online email course or on-site workshop, get what you want, more easily and more often. Visit her website at http://www.prostrategies.com.

She Walks in Beauty

She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellowed to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impaired the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o'er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.

And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,
So soft. so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent.

Meet Singles With These Great Singles Dating Ideas For Friendship, Romance Or Relationships

Tip! 'My partner brings out the best in me,' is the way most people define the partner that they love. Relationships are built on encouragement, so always try to make your partner feel good, even if you're urging them beyond their comfort zone to a new level of intimacy.

The main idea of a dating is to have a great time. So - are your dates starting to feels like an old hat? Then you definitely need some great singles dating ideas!

If that old routine of dinner & movie dates starting to be an obligation instead of fun then you need to do something different. The best part is that being different doesn't correlate to being expensive.

So here are some great dating ideas:

Go bowling, roller blading, miniature golf, amusement parks, or free music concerts.

Go hiking at the local parks, ride your bikes, snow skiing trip, water skiing, or jogging together.

Go to museums, see the animals at the zoo, take the candy factory tour, or take a walk around the public gardens when the flowers and trees are blooming.

Have a small party at your place and invite your close friends.

Can plan on short day trips in nearby cities, shopping together at the mall, picnic at a nice clean park, go to a sporting event (doesn't have to be major league sports. The best games I have been to are the minor league games.)

One great singles dating idea is to seek the highest point in your city, go up the elevator and gaze at the city. (Great tip guys, if you want to make her laugh, tell her "One day, this will all be yours").

How about learning how to give a great massage and surprise your date? Learn how to make a good dinner (but first make sure you know what kinds of food the other person doesn't like, like-duh!).

To tell you the truth, being creative and not spending a lot of money does several things. It makes the whole dating game fun and more specifically, makes you more fun to be with. It takes money out of the equation. It no longer becomes an obligation to the woman that she has to put out because you spent all this money. Or it intrigues the man and he will wonder what else do you have up your sleeves?

Tip! In good relationships there is energy -- your energy and your partners. This energy pushes each of you to strive to make the relationship work as individuals, and it also drives you to a shared excellence.

One of the cheapest and most fun dates I have ever had was when I had to wash my comforter at a laundry mat. The girl I was with accused me of being a 'cheap date.' We were just cracking up and laughing the whole time. We got a frosty cone from next door and watched the comforter go round and round in the dryer. Best date I ever had for less than ten dollars!

I am sure you can come up with something but the real deal is that the date must be interesting and different.

Tip! Getting the most for your money and time will include providing an environment for everyone to learn relationships skills. Relationship skills just happens to be a life skill that you take every where you go, whether it be at the office or home.

The last great singles dating idea is listening really listening. I am being absolutely serious here. When you realize that most people want what they get the least of. And what most people want is appreciation. When you are an extraordinarily good listener to someone craving for recognition, the world becomes your oyster. The other person will be so captivated by your nonverbal flattery.

Don't believe me? Next time, try focusing on just listening what your date is talking about. Ask questions to expand what he/she is talking about. Make eye contact. Nod. Don't cross your arms, use an open posture. It says to the other person, "Tell me more!"

You will be surprised!

Have some fun.

John Garret believes that a successful man or woman gets validation from his/her life, not from relationships with other singles. And you should seek confidant people that are not needy.

http://www.moderndatingsite.com

Sustaining Romance After Becoming Parents

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A major challenge for parents, especially new parents, is finding the
time to be together in ways that foster romance in their relationship. A
question that a reader recently asked me is: "Is it the quality of time
versus the quantity of time that is significant in 'we-time'? If yes, how?"

Romance is determined far more by the quality of the energy between
two people than by the amount of time they spend together. If two
people spend all day together, but they are not open to each other
regarding the sharing of learning, laughter, play and creativity, they will
not feel romantic and intimate. They will feel far more romantic if they
spend a few minutes together and that few minutes is filled with the
intimacy that comes from being open hearted and emotionally
connected with each other. If two people hug goodbye in the morning
and the hug is perfunctory with their minds already elsewhere, that hug
will do nothing to foster romance later that evening. But if the hug is filled
with love, warmth, tenderness and caring, that hug can do much to
sustain the romance through the day to be further expressed in the
evening.

The question is, what determines the quality of energy between two
people? What makes one hug filled with romantic potential and another
hug empty and meaningless?

The quality of the energy between two people is determined by their
intent:

* If your intent is to have control over getting love or avoiding pain, the
hug will be empty and depleting, regardless of your partner's intent.

* If your intent and your partner's intent is to give love and share love,
the hug will be fulfilling and energizing.

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There is a vast difference between the intention to get love and avoid
pain, and the intention to give and share love.

When your intention is to get love, you are coming from an empty place
within and wanting your partner to fill that place for you. You will be
giving the hug in order to get filled - giving to get. Your touch will
energetically be a pull on your partner's energy to fill you up and make
you feel lovable and worthy. Since it doesn't feel good to be pulled on
energetically, your partner may hug you from a withdrawn state, with the
intention to avoid the pain of being pulled on. If one of you hugs with the
intent to get love, and the other hugs with the intent to avoid pain, the
hug will not feel good.

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If both of you are coming from an empty place within and both of you are
hugging with the intention to get love, there will be no love to share and
the hug will not feel good.

If one of you hugs with the intention to give and share love and the other
hugs with the intent to get love, the giver will end up feeling unfilled. He
or she may enjoy giving love, but there will be no sharing of love, and it
is the share of love that is truly the highest experience in life.

If both of you are already filled with love within due to taking personal
responsibility for your own feelings and wellbeing, and to being
spiritually connected to the Source of love, then your intent is likely to be
to give and share love. When you both have the intent to give and share
love, the hug will be a wonderful expression of your love and will be
very fulfilling. Starting your day with a few minutes of sharing love sets
the stage for sharing love at other times. Even if your time together is
very limited, romance can be sustained when two people have the intent
to give and share love.

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Moving out of the intent to get love and avoid pain and into the intent to
give and share love is a personal process of inner growth. It takes both
people desiring to learn how to fill themselves with love so that they
have love to share to create and sustain a fulfilling romantic relationship.

As parents with limited time to spend with each other, doing this inner
work is essential for the relationship with thrive.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight
books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and
"Healing Your Aloneness." She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner
Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site
for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her
at margaret@innerbonding.com Phone Sessions Available.

Marriage Communication: How to Add More Life and Love to Your Relationship

Tip! A step that can help you regain the spark in your love life is something I call Soul Gazing. It's a simple technique of gazing into your partner's eyes.

Do you know how many couples use belittling and name-calling in their marriage. This style of communication causes deep wounds and erode the foundation of a relationship. Read on to discover how to use the power of positive words to release life into your relationship and strengthen its foundation.

Positive words have power to release life and love into your marriage and strengthen the foundation. Affirmation is one way to use positive words in your relationship

Jack and Donna's Story

Jack and Donna were consumed with each other's character faults. When they came to counseling, they could only see the negative traits because of the pain and anger.

In order to head off a divorce, I explained the power of affirmation. Initially, they were not able to find any positive traits about each other. With a lot of prompting, Donna was able to come up with the fact that Jack was a good provider. Jack said that Donna liked children.

These things were pretty basic. However, it was a start. With time, they were able to think of more positive character qualities and it became easier. This had a ripple effect in their marriage. They began to look for positives instead of negatives.

Tip! As soon as you arrive home for the day seek out your partner and offer a big, loving kiss. Tell your partner how much you love him or her and ask about their day.

Teaching an old dog new tricks

In another situation, I was explaining to a couple the importance of speaking positive words to each other. The man told me, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks." I responded that, "I did not realize that I was talking to an old dog."

I also explained how the benefits of affirmation included more peace at home, a happier wife, and a better love life. A few months later the old dog had learned new tricks. Their marriage had improved and both of them were happier with the relationship.

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for more tips and tools for strengthening your marriage. You can also visit
www.BuildingYourDreamMarriage.com to
subscribe to my free newsletter and listen to a free audio. You are also invited to find out more about our
relationship building services from Jeff Barnet, MS LPC.

Find the Love of your Life with Online Dating

Tip! Romance in a relationship is the chord that makes the heart beat strongest. Without it, love can weaken and even disappear.

Online dating is becoming increasingly popular these days. This is mainly attributed to the unlimited applications and features provided by the online dating services to their registered users. You can have so much fun being a member of an online dating site that you would not want to go anywhere else to find the love of your life.

Once you find a striking dating site, you have to make a profile of your own for others to view and respond to. Most people like to try out services that are currently free to see if they can make an impression there. Some of the sites also allow you to enter as a guest and browse through thousands of profiles to see how people have expressed their needs and desires.

You will be able to contact many people who you like and then wait for a response. If they like you too, they will tell you exactly what their choices are. They might be looking for a committed relationship, casual relationship, just friendship, or a short-term love affair. Think about your priorities and see if any of these choices suits you.

There is 100% success rate of getting an ideal partner on these online dating sites. So many people have found their ideal partners online. They have their stories to share with other people. You can go to the blogging section of any dating site and see how people have made their way to a successful love life. You might as well want to set up a blog of your own. This is a very popular way of attracting others and getting feedback on your online profile.

Many people have albums full of their best pictures. You can search for the love of your life by entering some information in the search field of a site, e.g. your country, your sexual preference, and the age range. There would be hundreds of matches meeting your criteria. You can then select a few among them by looking at their pictures, profile information or their interests and hobbies and write them an email, send them an instant message or simply leave a comment on their profile and see if they like it.

Online dating sites also allow you to chat with online members and share your views with them. The best thing about these sites is that either they are completely free or charge only a minimal fee of getting registered with them. But think about all the benefits of being a member! You will be automatically notified of different connections that match your profile information. So don't waste time and start searching for the love you have always wanted to have in your life!

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Rose - The Flower of Love and Romance

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What is the flower that everyone visualizes and associates with love or romance? ‘Rose’ is the instant answer by anyone. The rose is placed on a high pedestal by almost all the ancient civilizations which is indicated by the fact that the flower has been associated with numerous myths and legends. Numerous instances abound in the Greek, Roman, Hindu, Jew and Egyptian mythologies and legends. No wonder, the flower is a delight to the viewer and has made inroads into our everyday lives and true to its importance the rose has been acclaimed as the ‘queen of flowers’.

No occasion is complete with out a rose! be it a happy occasion like wedding or a sorrow occasion like death ceremony, the rose is an inseparable part. The rose offers a wide variety in terms of color, size, shape, fragrance etc to choose from, thanks to the breeding efforts over the last century. There are roses suitable as standards, hedges, edges, borders etc and there are roses suitable for arches, pergolas, espaliers etc. Because of the sheer range rose is a challenge, delight and also an eternal fascination to a gardener.

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Though there are thousands of varieties of roses, majority of the present day garden roses owe their origin to ‘Tea roses’ and ‘Hybrid perpetuals’. In the later part of 18th century the combination of these two types gave rise to ‘Hybrid teas’. Again the combination of ‘Hybrid teas’ with another class called ‘polyanthas’ resulted in the ‘floribundas’. Thus the garden roses can be classified into major categories such as Tea roses, Hybrid perpetuals, Hybrid teas, Floribundas, Polyanthas, Miniatures etc.

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Though temperate and hilly climates offer the best climate for rose gardens, there are numerous varieties that are suitable to varying agro-climates. Modern technology has paved the way for large scale cultivation in controlled conditions such as a glass house. Nevertheless, the beauty of the sprawling rose gardens in United Kingdom, USA, Switzerland etc. offer the natural beauty of the rose, where it has been bred and nurtured over the decades.

Ravikumar Uppaluri is from Hyderabad, Andhra Pradesh State in India.The author Holds a Masters degree in Agricultural Sciences and is cofounder of an organization involved in Nature conservation and sustainable development. The author can be reached at uravikumar@yahoo.com

Tips to Reduce Dating Stress and Enjoy Your Mid-Life Love Life

Tip! Have flowers delivered to partner at work.

A new category of dating has emerged across the county - mid-life dating. Whether people have postponed marriage because of career or other reasons, or find themselves single again due to divorce, this is a new phenomenon in our society. As a result, today's mid-life daters are forging new territory without much information or support to help along the path.

Dating at any age can be very stressful. From my experience, I have found that regardless of anyone's actual age, when dating you always feel 16. The excitement is double-edged, both thrilling and anxiety producing, because there are so many unknowns. You'll find yourself wondering things like:

- Does he like me?

- Will he call me?

- When will I see her again?

Tip! While your partner showers, heat up his or her towel in the dryer.

Here are five methods I share with my clients to help them stay balanced while dating. Each one is an invaluable tool for taking care of yourself and minimizing the emotional stress of courtship:


1) Don't cancel plans to make yourself available for your new date.
There's no real rush. It's so important to respect your own schedule and commitments to insure your new friend will do the same. If you cancel appointments, what message are you sending about how you value your own activities? Simply admit you're not available and then suggest another time. You'll benefit from the results of honoring your own schedule, since you're more desirable when in demand socially!


2) Distract yourself in between calls and dates.
You had a life before you met the guy. Keep it alive and stay involved. One of the best cures for the anxiety of waiting for him to call is to be busy. Create enjoyable distractions for yourself to minimize the time you spend worrying. With time on your hands, you might allow your mind to wander and think up stories about why he hasn't called, etc. To avoid torturing yourself or making impulsive mistakes, maintain an active life.



3) Preserve your friendships.
It can be very tempting to collapse your life and focus only on your new relationship. But, the truth is no one likes a fair-weather friend who is only available when single and then disappears the minute a romantic interest enters the picture. Your friends are an important support system and stick by you through thick and thin. Honor these relationships because you will need them again and will miss them in the long run if you don't.


4) Carve out time just for you.
There is a lot to process at the beginning of a new relationship. Give yourself some space and time to simply relax and unwind. Whether you take a bath, exercise, journal or meditate, the options are endless, but so important for your overall well-being.

Tip! Any good relationship requires effort to keep it alive. Your unique way of being romantic is your personal anchor to securing the heart of another.

5) Remind yourself that the world is an abundant place.
If it turns out Mr./Ms. Now isn't Mr./Ms. Right, you'll meet someone else. Adopting this belief system allows you to let go of a partner who isn't right for you, even if s/he's a great person. The stress of dating the wrong person can be very intense. When things don't go well, remember, there are plenty more fish in the sea. The dating ocean, today more than ever, is chockfull of good catches, so you can always cast your line again if things don't work out.

Tip! Leave a note professing your love for your partner to find during the day. Put the note where it will be found, easily.

When you're actively looking for love, you're making yourself emotionally vulnerable. That's why the need for self-care becomes heightened. By striving for balance, you'll be calmer and better equipped to navigate the sometimes rocky terrain on the road to finding love.

Visit http://www.NeverTooLate.biz for savvy dating strategies to help you find the love you want and deserve. You can subscribe to the f*r*e*e bi-weekly newsletter Kiss & Tell and check out the book MANifesting Mr. Right: It's Never Too Late to Find the Love You Want by Dating Coach and expert Ronnie Ann Ryan. Visit http://www.ManifestingMrRight.com

Attract the Love of Your Life

Tip! A step that can help you regain the spark in your love life is something I call Soul Gazing. It's a simple technique of gazing into your partner's eyes.

Have you heard about the technique Olympic athletes use to help them
win gold medals?

In addition to conventional practice, they do some critical mental work
as well. They close their eyes and "see" themselves making the winning
basket, being first across the finish line, etc. They "feel" the weight
of the medal as it's draped over their necks. They "hear" the roar of
the crowd.

What does this have to do with you attracting a good, fun, and faithful
man or woman to spend the rest of your life with?

Everything.

You can use this technique, too, to attract a relationship with a man or woman
who possesses the qualities you desire.

Here's how to do it:

1) Decide what qualities you desire most in a husband or wife

2) Write them down

3) Construct a scene on paper between you and this person using as much
sensory detail (touch, taste, smell, sight, hearing) as you can. (Make sure you
write the scene in past tense! This is critical!).

Read it out loud three times a day, preferably before your feet touch
the floor in the morning, at lunch, and just before you drop off to
sleep at night.

Visualize it whenever you have a free moment (while you're on hold,
waiting on line at the bank, stuck in traffic, etc.).

As you continue to do this exercise, you will notice that new details
will seemingly pop into your scene from nowhere. That's a good sign.

Keep it up.

Before long, you will attract available people with the qualities you
desire. What's more, you will be attracted to them, too. Getting dates will become effortless and maintaining a relationship with "the right one" will be blessedly free of angst and drama.

How can I be so sure of this? Well, I used this technique, and it worked for me. After years of
disastrous relationships, I attracted and married the man of my dreams.
Twelve years later, we're still in love and having fun together.

Go for it!

Terry Hernon MacDonald is the author of the ebook "How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams." Visit her website at http://www.marrysmart.com

Dating Advice: Change Your Mind, Change Your Love Life

Tip! Romance in a relationship is the chord that makes the heart beat strongest. Without it, love can weaken and even disappear.

My 11-year-old daughter and I recently went to see The Devil Wears Prada. She's a big fan of Anne Hathaway, the young actress who starred in The Princess Diaries, and she's increasingly passionate about fashion.

The movie dazzled us with gorgeous clothes, fabulous makeup, and glamorous locations in New York and Paris. But, while my little girl liked the plot, I found it troubling. The movie's message? If you're a woman, you can't have personal and professional success at the same time.

In other words, if you do too well at your job, your boyfriend will dump you.

In the story, Meryl Streep's accomplished character, Miranda, loses her third husband to divorce. Miranda's assistant, Andy, played by Hathaway, finds that her friends and boyfriend abandon her as soon as she starts getting respect at work.

Tip! While your partner showers, heat up his or her towel in the dryer.

The "you can't have it all" message to women is as old as time.

What does this have to do with you? Well, if you desire a happy relationship and a career but always end up with just one or the other, you can bet this nefarious message has firmly lodged itself in your subconscious.

Tip! Have flowers delivered to partner at work.

I recently heard a savvy business owner (and happily married woman) say, "Ninety-seven percent of the decisions you think you're making are actually made for you. Your subconscious makes the decisions."

Please do not discount the gravity of this statement. Your subconscious absorbs messages from the media, your parents, and other influences, and then it acts upon them. It creates your destiny.

With a little effort, you can root those nasty messages out of your subconscious by examining your beliefs about relationships, as well as your ability to attract and keep one that's supportive, happy, and drama-free.

Tip! Leave a note professing your love for your partner to find during the day. Put the note where it will be found, easily.

For example, do you believe that you can be successful on all fronts in your life, or in just one or two? If you make too much money, will you turn off potential suitors? Are relationships hard? Do they involve a lot of "work"? Will you have to compete in a relationship? Will you have to suppress your dreams in order to help a man achieve his?

Once you identify the limiting beliefs you've developed, you can replace them with new ones. For instance, if you believe it's impossible to have a joyful marriage and successful career at the same time, bring to mind a friend or a famous person who actually has them (the beautiful and talented Miss Meryl Streep, for instance).

Tip! When we show the one we desire most that they are special to us, we are being romantic. We can do this in so many different and unique ways.

Then write an affirmation to support your new belief:

"I am happily married loyal, loving, reliable, fun man, and I'm wildly successful in my career as a ____________."

Repeat the affirmation in the shower. Write it 25 times a day. Say it out loud before you fall asleep at night. Keep this up for 30 days, at the very least. Eventually, you will feel a shift within yourself.

Tip! When your partner arrives home for the day, take their hand and pull them towards you aggressively. Offer a huge hug, kiss and say, "I missed you today!"

And then watch out. Once things on the inside change, the outside will, too: Your career and love life will seem to magically come together!

As for my daughter, I can't intercept every negative message she receives, but I can help her to be aware of them. We had a discussion about the message in The Devil Wears Prada. I told her not to believe it. I want this girl to "have it all."

And if she believes she can, she will. Author Napoleon Hill said it best: "Whatever your mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve."

Terry MacDonald is the happily married author of "How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams." Sign up for free dating tips at http://www.marrysmart.com. Check out her blog at http://happygirlmusing.blogspot.com.

The Secret

Communication Breakdown

It happens to the best of us. Communication is such a fickle thing, and the lines of communication can become blurred every so often, especially when feelings are involved. Even those who think that they are immune to the confusion of conflict can find themselves drawn into a communication breakdown when they least expect it, and chaos ensues.

This happened to me on the weekend, and until to be quite honest, it took me by surprise. Even those of us who are better equipped than many others are not immune. My partner told me something that really hurt my feelings, and I lashed back in defense. It was a silly argument, over something as simple as a misplaced bottle of aftershave. But to me, it represented something much deeper, that had been simmering away for a couple of weeks. I get frustrated at having to search for something when it is not where I expect it to be. Worse still when my partner has shifted it and I don’t know the first place to begin searching.

Aftershave, needles and thread, car keys, a Tupperware container to store my baking soda in, covers for our outdoor chairs, all were examples of instances where I had to turn the house upside-down. A simple answer from my partner when these things were shifted would have saved me a lot of time and frustration. And the answer I got? "You need to open your eyes and organize yourself better"

I was gutted. When I come home from work I exercise the dog and cook dinner so that it is on the table by the time my partner gets home. The house is always spotless and warm, as I’m very conscious of coming home to a tidy environment. I see this as a fundamental part of my role in coming home first, and it takes a lot of my time. To imply that I have the time to "organize yourself better" really hurt.

I don’t expect praise, but I did hope that my efforts were recognized. I got told that "I don’t expect you to cook my dinner every night" was interpreted by me as ingratitude, and hurt me even more.

So where to from here? My partner felt guilty at coming home every night to the perfect household, whereas I felt guilty if it wasn’t perfect. It was never about me trying to make him feel guilty, but it seems it did. And this is where the communication fell down. He misinterpreted my efforts, and I misinterpreted his response.

Communication, communication, communication. I need for my partner to keep me informed of where things move to. I need to be informed. I need to voice my frustration before it gets to boiling point. We both need to talk about our feelings more, and how each of our contributions to our home and our relationship make us feel, and how we interpret each others contributions. It is not a competition, but for many couples it feels like it.

When people feel guilt or stress, it leads them to act funny ways. Often stress and guilt are barriers to communication. The key to overcoming them is to recognize what it is, and have the courage to talk about it. You might be able to do it as a couple, or you might want the help of a friend who can listen to the way you are communicating with each other and offer insights and advice.

We got it sorted out, and kissed and hugged. It wouldn’t hurt so much if I didn’t feel such love at the same time. But it served as a good reminder to me. Sometimes you get so wrapped up in your own emotions that you forget to think of the other person. You also need to entertain the possibility that you are misinterpreting each other. Talking about it is the way to expose the miscommunication and let the healing begin.

A good lesson to learn, even for the experts…

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How A Couple's Retreat Can Enhance Your Love Life

Tip! Couples that are in love, and I mean actually still in love after years of being together, feel younger. Ageing seems to be slowed down by a loving situation.

Everyone needs to get away from time to time and that includes married couples. The boss, the kids, the bills, and the stresses of everyday life can become overwhelming to just about any couple. In today's modern world, we become ill, moody, and it is easy for us forget what life and marriage is all about. It is during these times that we need to consider marriage retreats so that we can put things into proper perspective and to put our marriage back on the right track. In such a relaxing atmosphere, it would be hard not to connect with our spouses.

There's just something about being in a peaceful paradise that helps you slow down and begin to feel your spouses all over again. The concept of what a couples retreat is, is different for everyone. Some people will go so that they regain the romance in a relationship. Some couples just need to be alone. Some couples need to see different and unique things and places just to be able to add some passion to their lives.

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Couples need to let their retreats begin by renting a cottage on the beach where you can be all by yourself. There's no one there that you will need to please but yourself and your spouse. There are no expectations of how you should dress, act, behave, or speak. It's just you and nature on your couples retreats. The sun will warm your body, and the people will warm your soul.

How can this not be a great way to regenerate your mind body and spirit as a couple?

When you go on a couples retreat, you will not only get to spend some quality time with your partner, you will also be able to take part in group and private counseling sessions as well. You will be able to work on your marriage's love life while in a peaceful atmosphere that offers you none of the pressures that can make this sort of connection impossible at home. The unbiased therapy that the couple can receive will help the couple to hash out some of their problems.

How to Stop Your Divorce

Tip! It will allow you to love life again, to see the beauty in every experience, to be non-judgmental and open to new relationships.

You have invested a lot of time and energy in your marriage. For some reason, you just can't seem to make things work. You and your mate aren't talking to each other like you used to; you have started to sleep separately; or perhaps you or your mate have been unfaithful. There are a million reasons why a married couple might consider divorce, and sometimes it just doesn't feel like the right thing to do. Sometimes, one or both spouses still have enough feelings for the other to want to prevent a divorce.

There is a reason why judges insist that both people be in agreement on a divorce before they will actually grant one. The process is a very simple one; in that if one spouse doesn't agree to the divorce, there is always a chance that the marriage could be saved. If you are in a situation where you want to stop your divorce, there are many avenues that you can take that just might help you to save your marriage.

For starters, you can give marital counseling a try. This is not to say that it will definitely work for you and your spouse; however, it may just be the best route for you. When you go to marital counseling you are given the opportunity to voice your grievances about your spouse with an impartial party. Marriage counseling has helped millions of couples to find the reason they married in the first place. It helps many couples to reconnect. It is also a great way to get the tools that you will need in order to maintain that connection throughout your marriage. Of course, this method works best when both spouses are willing to participate fully.

Tip! Role playing is a great way for you to be able to make your love life a great deal better. It is also a good way to explore fantasies.

You can also try to save your marriage by taking part in a marital retreat. Many churches and local clubs offer retreats for married to couples who are having problems. These retreats are geared toward helping those couples who are interested in taking part with other couples in group therapy sessions. This is also a great way for the couple to get away from all of the hassles of their daily home life while working on their marriage. When you don't have pressures like children and work to interrupt you, it makes it much easier for couples to focus on what's really important.

You should never wait until your marriage is in a shambles before you finally take notice as to how important it is to you. When you do that all you are guaranteed is that you will eventually be faced with this problem. You have to be willing to talk and listen in a marriage. You also have to be willing to let some things slide every now and then. In the end, the only thing that can really keep a marriage together is if both people want it that way. Sometimes, it is just better to cut your losses and move on.

Marriage Communication: How to Add More Life and Love to Your Relationship

Tip! Leave a note professing your love for your partner to find during the day. Put the note where it will be found, easily.

Do you know how many couples use belittling and name-calling in their marriage. This style of communication causes deep wounds and erode the foundation of a relationship. Read on to discover how to use the power of positive words to release life into your relationship and strengthen its foundation.

Positive words have power to release life and love into your marriage and strengthen the foundation. Affirmation is one way to use positive words in your relationship

Jack and Donna's Story

Jack and Donna were consumed with each other's character faults. When they came to counseling, they could only see the negative traits because of the pain and anger.

In order to head off a divorce, I explained the power of affirmation. Initially, they were not able to find any positive traits about each other. With a lot of prompting, Donna was able to come up with the fact that Jack was a good provider. Jack said that Donna liked children.

Tip! When your partner arrives home for the day, take their hand and pull them towards you aggressively. Offer a huge hug, kiss and say, "I missed you today!”

These things were pretty basic. However, it was a start. With time, they were able to think of more positive character qualities and it became easier. This had a ripple effect in their marriage. They began to look for positives instead of negatives.

Teaching an old dog new tricks

In another situation, I was explaining to a couple the importance of speaking positive words to each other. The man told me, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks." I responded that, "I did not realize that I was talking to an old dog."

I also explained how the benefits of affirmation included more peace at home, a happier wife, and a better love life. A few months later the old dog had learned new tricks. Their marriage had improved and both of them were happier with the relationship.

Visit www.BuildingYourDreamMarriage.com for more tips and tools for strengthening your marriage. You can also visit www.BuildingYourDreamMarriage.com to subscribe to my free newsletter and listen to a free audio. You are also invited to find out more about our relationship building services from Jeff Barnet, MS LPC.

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"Is Love, then, so Simple"

Click Arrow for Audio Play-back

IS love, then, so simple my dear?
The opening of a door,
And seeing all things clear?
I did not know before.

I had thought it unrest and desire
Soaring only to fall,
Annihilation and fire:
It is not so at all.

I feel no desperate will,
But I think I understand
Many things, as I sit quite still,
With Eternity in my hand.

Write A Love Letter

We feel good when we make the people we love feel happy. The person you love, who loves you in return, wants to know what he or she does that makes you happy and wants you to describe those things in your own words.

Steps

1. Think of a time when you felt particularly moved by seeing your loved one. Recall the emotional and physical feelings you experienced in that moment.
   
2. Write a description of that moment including details about your feelings at the time, starting with a phrase such as, "I remember when…"
   
3. Recall two or three other experiences when you were moved by your loved one's words or actions. Add recollections of these experiences to your letter in the same way you wrote about the first one.
   

Tips

• Describe your experiences using your own words, without forcing yourself to be fancy.
  
• Exclude clichés from your letter.
  
• Exclude rhyming poetry
  
• Write two or three drafts until the letter sounds pleasing.
  
• Write your own, original words, not something you've read or heard. The most important thing of all.
  
• If you do quote something make sure to give credit for it.
  
• Read it out loud! Just because it makes sense on paper doesn't mean it will make sense when spoken.
  
• Try to Learn Calligraphy. If you think that's hard, it's not. Go to an art supply store, and get a pen, a fine nib, a thicker nib if you like, and a bottle of ink, then go slow and carefully when you write. This not only lets you think more about what you say, it also looks far more impressive.
  
• Do not use a sentence like "you are hot" or "I like you a lot" or something like that, it might make them a little uneasy.
  
• Do not explicitly refer to parts of the anatomy. This could be a turn-off. Don't use flippant language either. (Example: badunkadunks.)
  
• Cheesy can be okay, but be sure not to overdue it. Make it sweet, heartfelt, and true.
  
• Don't lie to impress. Example: Don't say "I love the way you flip your hair" to impress her/him, when thats not true. Honesty is the best policy.
  

Warnings

• Be prepared to receive a hug and a kiss after your loved one reads your letter.
  
• But hey, face it, not everyone is in to you. Don't write a love letter unless you're sure the guy/girl is into you. Writing something as heartfelt as a love letter may be too much for some people. Be prepared for a letdown, but don't absolutely expect it.
  
• Keep it simple, but hearfelt.
  
• Don't focus on yourself. This can be a major turnoff.
  

Related

• How to Write a Love Letter or Love Poem
  
• How to Write a Letter
  

Are You the New person, drawn toward Me?

Click Arrow for Audio Play-back

ARE you the new person drawn toward me?
To begin with, take warning—I am surely far different from what you suppose;
Do you suppose you will find in me your ideal?
Do you think it so easy to have me become your lover?
Do you think the friendship of me would be unalloy’d satisfaction? 5
Do you think I am trusty and faithful?
Do you see no further than this façade—this smooth and tolerant manner of me?
Do you suppose yourself advancing on real ground toward a real heroic man?
Have you no thought, O dreamer, that it may be all maya, illusion?

How to Find out What Love Really Is

One day I was talking to my friend and they asked me what is love ,and I thought about it and I had no clue what it meant till I found this article . It may help you if your wondering. What does love really mean?

Steps

1. This is how many people approach a relationship. Consciously or unconsciously, they believe love is a sensation (based on physical and emotional attraction) that magically, spontaneously generates when Mr. or Ms. Right appears. And just as easily, it can spontaneously degenerate when the magic "just isn't there" anymore. You fall in love, and you can fall out of it.
   
   
2. The key word is passivity. Erich Fromm, in his famous treatise "The Art of Loving," noted the sad consequence of this misconception: "There is hardly any activity, any enterprise, which is started with such tremendous hopes and expectations, and yet, which fails so regularly, as love." (That was back in 1956 -- chances are he'd be even more pessimistic today.)
   
   
3. Love is the attachment that results from deeply appreciating another's goodness.
   
   
4. The word "goodness" may surprise you. After all, most love stories don't feature a couple enraptured with each other's ethics. ("I'm captivated by your values!" he told her passionately. "And I've never met a man with such morals!" she cooed.) But in her study of real-life successful marriages ("The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts"), Judith Wallerstein reports that "the value these couples placed on the partner's moral qualities was an unexpected finding."
   
   
5. To the Jewish mind, it isn't unexpected at all. What we value most in ourselves, we value most in others. God created us to see ourselves as good (hence our need to either rationalize or regret our wrongdoings). So, too, we seek goodness in others. Nice looks, an engaging personality, intelligence, and talent (all of which count for something) may attract you, but goodness is what moves you to love.

1. LOVE IS A CHOICE

1. If love comes from appreciating goodness, it needn't just happen -- you can make it happen. Love is active. You can create it. Just focus on the good in another person (and everyone has some). If you can do this easily, you'll love easily.
   
   
2. I was once at an intimate concert in which the performer, a deeply spiritual person, gazed warmly at his audience and said, "I want you to know, I love you all." I smiled tolerantly and thought, "Sure." Looking back, though, I realize my cynicism was misplaced. This man naturally saw the good in others, and our being there said enough about us that he could love us. Judaism actually idealizes this universal, unconditional love.
   
   
3. Obviously, there's a huge distance from here to the far more profound, personal love developed over the years, especially in marriage. But seeing goodness is the beginning.
   
   
4. Susan learned about this foundation of love after becoming engaged to David. When she called her parents to tell them the good news, they were elated. At the end of the conversation, her mother said, "Darling, I want you to know we love you, and we love David."
   
   
5. Susan was a bit dubious. "Mom," she said hesitantly, "I really appreciate your feelings, but, in all honesty, how can you say you love someone you've never met?"
   
   
6. By focusing on the good, you can love almost anyone.
   
   
7. "We're choosing to love him," her mother explained, "because love is a choice."
   
   
8. There's no better wisdom Susan's mother could have imparted to her before marriage. By focusing on the good, you can love almost anyone.

2.ACTIONS AFFECT FEELINGS

1. Now that you're feeling so warmly toward the entire human race, how can you deepen your love for someone? The way God created us, actions affect our feelings most. For example, if you want to become more compassionate, thinking compassionate thoughts may be a start, but giving tzedaka (charity) will get you there. Likewise, the best way to feel loving is to be loving -- and that means giving.
   
   
2. While most people believe love leads to giving, the truth (as Rabbi Eliyahu Dessler writes in his famous discourse on loving kindness) is exactly the opposite: Giving leads to love.
   
   
3. What is giving? When an enthusiastic handyman happily announces to his non- mechanically inclined wife, "Honey, wait till you see what I got you for your birthday -- a triple-decker toolbox!" that's not giving. Neither is a father's forcing violin lessons on his son because he himself always dreamed of being a virtuoso.
   
   
4. True giving, as Erich Fromm points out, is other-oriented, and requires four elements. The first is care, demonstrating active concern for the recipient's life and growth. The second is responsibility, responding to his or her expressed and unexpressed needs (particularly, in an adult relationship, emotional needs). The third is respect, "the ability to see a person as he [or she] is, to be aware of his [or her] unique individuality," and, consequently, wanting that person to "grow and unfold as he [or she] is." These three components all depend upon the fourth, knowledge. You can care for, respond to, and respect another only as deeply as you know him or her.
   
   3.OPENING YOURSELF TO OTHERS
   
   
   1. The effect of genuine, other-oriented giving is profound. It allows you into another person's world and opens you up to perceiving his or her goodness. At the same time, it means investing part of yourself in the other, enabling you to love this person as you love yourself.
      
   
   
   

   Tips

   
   
   • go somewhere quiet where you have no distractions
     
   • take some time to really think about it
     
   • think before you do something you may regret later
     
   
   
   

   Warnings

   
   
   • dont follow what others think because it may be the wrong definition.
     
   • be patient: dont just chase after some one because the results may not be good
     
   • dont tell someone you love them if you dont mean it or you're not sure
     
   
   
   

   Related Articles

   
   
   • How to Remain Emotionally Unattached
     
   • How to Seduce Anyone (for Females)
     
   • How to Create an Ever Lasting Impression
     

If you want to make a romantic scrapbook just follow the steps below.

You'll be surprised at the variety available.

Decorate the cover with your names, a picture of the two of you together and some hearts.

On the first page write an introduction. For example, "To Laura", Valentine's Day 2005.

Write a Poem and mount it in a decorative frame in the scrapbook.

Include menus, programs, playbills and mementos from concerts, plays and happy events you enjoyed together.

Use Astrology, Numerology, Tarot, etc. and explain the bonds between you and your partner.

Write and include the lyrics of your favorite song.

Write the story of your first kiss or the first time you said "I love you" to one another.

Finish the project with a flourish. Include a coupon for a romantic dinner, Godiva chocolates, a weekend

Tips

• Head to your nearest hobby store for a scrapbook and everything you need to trim and decorate your special gift.
  
  
• Logs of email, sms or chat conversations could come in handy, especially if you've had romantic chats. For instance, including a chat you had when you were both feeling a bit naughty could go in a "Sensual" chapter in the scrapbook. Or include an angry email for a more complete depiction of your subjects' character.
  
  
• You could even make your scrapbook in soft copy, as in make a .ppt or a .pps file with a notebook template, to give a complete paper-like feel, but on the computer.
  
  

Warnings

• Be prepared for a wonderful reaction!
  
  
• If others are going to be reading this, make sure your "naughty" chats aren't too risque, as to make them uncomfortable, or reveal marital secrets.
  

Related wikiHows

• How to Make a Wedding Scrapbook as a Gift
  
• How to Start a Scrapbook
  
• How to Create a Wedding Memory Book
  
• How to Organize Photos to Build a Video Scrapbook
  
• How to Start a Scrapbook
  
• How to Get a Real Good Man
  
• How to Make a Best Friends Scrapbook
  
• How to Create a Scrapbook
  
• How to Explicate a Poem
  
• How to Write Dark Poems
  

Kick-Start Your Love Life!

Tip! Any good relationship requires effort to keep it alive. Your unique way of being romantic is your personal anchor to securing the heart of another.

No matter how many years you have been together as a couple, your relationship deserves the same kind of attention it received at the beginning. Surprisingly, this is often not the case in many relationships. Just as starting a new relationship requires effort, so does maintaining a successful one. Unfortunately, many forget that when their relationship ends and they go to start a new one, they're going to have to put in the effort then. The question is, "Why not now?"

I remember my first marriage. We had been a couple for seventeen years. Unfortunately, our relationship lacked in the romance department. Despite many attempts and pleas on my part, I could pretty much count the number of dates we had on my two hands. Suffice it to say, loneliness and resentment inevitably consumed the relationship and our marriage ended.

I often hear similar stories from clients, colleagues, and friends, saddened that their relationship has little or no zest. However, before we go and point the finger at our partner, we need to first ask ourselves if we've really made a conscious effort to do our part. Have we voiced our concerns to our partner? Have we been clear and specific about what we want? Did we approach our partner lovingly without blame? Or are we basing our disappointment and frustration on assumptions we've made—that our mate should know better since, of course, we already do ... or do we?

Here's another question that stops some people dead in their tracks. When was the last time you asked your partner out on a date? This goes for the ladies too. Dating, you ask? Isn't that something you do before you move in together? As my teenaged daughter would say, "Not!" And if your partner declined your warm invitation, did you happen to ask your partner out again? Many lament, "But I've already tried." I invite you to heed the words of wisdom from Yoda, the green pint-sized creature in Star Wars: "There is no try, there is only do," and do and do.

Tip! As soon as you arrive home for the day seek out your partner and offer a big, loving kiss. Tell your partner how much you love him or her and ask about their day.

Dating is not about putting your partner first, but your relationship. It is an excellent means and opportunity for the two of you to discover each other anew, rekindle the flame, and grow closer together. Someone's got to get the ball rolling, so why not you? And hey, did you know that May is "Date Your Mate Month"? What a perfect lead in to ask your honey out on a date!

Take action now! Kick-start your love life! You and your partner deserve it! Always remember, the reason you're together as a couple is because you dated.

Passionate about human connection, Leona Hamel is a relationship specialist and communications coach. She is the CEO and President of Romance Unlimited and StageCoach Consulting. Her services include one-on-one coaching, group seminars, products, and resources for men and women who want to maximize their relationships to maximize their results, be it in the boardroom, "living" room or bedroom. She is the author of The ABC's of Tease & Please: A Romance Handbook under her pen name LouLou L'Amour, and a contributing author to A First Serving of Milk and Cookies for Success. Visit http://www.romanceunlimited.com for new articles, tips and trivia each month. Plus, don't forget to sign up for her monthly romance newsletter, LouLou's Love Lesson.

How to Enhance Your Love Life

Tip! Every time thoughts about them suddenly come into your mind, do the above, AND re-direct your focus on to something that is positive and life enhancing for YOU, or others that you love. You have the power to consciously re-direct your thoughts and FOCUS.

Enhancing your love life is something that every long term relationship eventually requires. Sooner or later your love life will be affected by the regular stresses of everyday life and many other factors that may make your love life seem lacking.

Often we hear that our partners are too tired to make love or perhaps there is a problem in the relationship that make love making just a bit more difficult than it used to be.

So many aspects of our daily lives are affected and reflected in our personal relationships. This is when learning how to enhance your love life becomes very important.

For starters it helps for you to be able to incorporate playfulness in the bedroom. Being playful in the bedroom is a key factor to you having fun during lovemaking. It also helps you to get closer to your mate.

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Learning how to become more spontaneous when it comes to love making can also help you to improve your love life. The reason for this is because it lets your mate know that you still find them sexy and attractive, which is the key to a great love life. Here are some more tips to making your love life better:

1. Try to add some spice into your relationship by bringing toys to the bedroom with you. It can really make a huge difference.

2. Role playing is a great way for you to be able to make your love life a great deal better. It is also a good way to explore fantasies.

Tip! Having a photo wall of those you love.

3. Explore your fantasies with your mate and be very specific in your requests. Just be sure that both you and your mate are comfortable with your ideas.

4. Be willing to talk openly with your mate about what you want in the bedroom.

5. Having an open mind toward sex is a key component in keeping your love life secure.

6. Having sex in different areas other than the bedroom can spice up any relationship and add a sense of danger to it.

7. Trying new and different positions can really make a difference in your love life.

Tip! Loyalty, always standing up for and speaking well of your lover.

There are just so many things that you can do to make your love life better that it can be difficult to settle on any one in particular. If you are willing to explore new territories it can lead you to a more fulfilling sex life with your partner. Most of what is needed is an open mind because that is when the inhibitions are lower. A good sex life is very important to any relationship and a willingness to do whatever you can to spice things up helps as well.