Love the Right Way

Sustaining Romance After Becoming Parents

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A major challenge for parents, especially new parents, is finding the
time to be together in ways that foster romance in their relationship. A
question that a reader recently asked me is: "Is it the quality of time
versus the quantity of time that is significant in 'we-time'? If yes, how?"

Romance is determined far more by the quality of the energy between
two people than by the amount of time they spend together. If two
people spend all day together, but they are not open to each other
regarding the sharing of learning, laughter, play and creativity, they will
not feel romantic and intimate. They will feel far more romantic if they
spend a few minutes together and that few minutes is filled with the
intimacy that comes from being open hearted and emotionally
connected with each other. If two people hug goodbye in the morning
and the hug is perfunctory with their minds already elsewhere, that hug
will do nothing to foster romance later that evening. But if the hug is filled
with love, warmth, tenderness and caring, that hug can do much to
sustain the romance through the day to be further expressed in the
evening.

The question is, what determines the quality of energy between two
people? What makes one hug filled with romantic potential and another
hug empty and meaningless?

The quality of the energy between two people is determined by their
intent:

* If your intent is to have control over getting love or avoiding pain, the
hug will be empty and depleting, regardless of your partner's intent.

* If your intent and your partner's intent is to give love and share love,
the hug will be fulfilling and energizing.

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There is a vast difference between the intention to get love and avoid
pain, and the intention to give and share love.

When your intention is to get love, you are coming from an empty place
within and wanting your partner to fill that place for you. You will be
giving the hug in order to get filled - giving to get. Your touch will
energetically be a pull on your partner's energy to fill you up and make
you feel lovable and worthy. Since it doesn't feel good to be pulled on
energetically, your partner may hug you from a withdrawn state, with the
intention to avoid the pain of being pulled on. If one of you hugs with the
intent to get love, and the other hugs with the intent to avoid pain, the
hug will not feel good.

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If both of you are coming from an empty place within and both of you are
hugging with the intention to get love, there will be no love to share and
the hug will not feel good.

If one of you hugs with the intention to give and share love and the other
hugs with the intent to get love, the giver will end up feeling unfilled. He
or she may enjoy giving love, but there will be no sharing of love, and it
is the share of love that is truly the highest experience in life.

If both of you are already filled with love within due to taking personal
responsibility for your own feelings and wellbeing, and to being
spiritually connected to the Source of love, then your intent is likely to be
to give and share love. When you both have the intent to give and share
love, the hug will be a wonderful expression of your love and will be
very fulfilling. Starting your day with a few minutes of sharing love sets
the stage for sharing love at other times. Even if your time together is
very limited, romance can be sustained when two people have the intent
to give and share love.

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Moving out of the intent to get love and avoid pain and into the intent to
give and share love is a personal process of inner growth. It takes both
people desiring to learn how to fill themselves with love so that they
have love to share to create and sustain a fulfilling romantic relationship.

As parents with limited time to spend with each other, doing this inner
work is essential for the relationship with thrive.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight
books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and
"Healing Your Aloneness." She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner
Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site
for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her
at margaret@innerbonding.com Phone Sessions Available.